Hate Triangle
by BigNamekianBallz
Summary: Vegeta, Piccolo, and Chi-Chi have to go into space & work together in order to save the kidnapped Bulma and Gohan. How will they refrain from killing eachother? WARNING! Excessive yelling. Yamcha dissing. Pimp Namek. Mean Saiyan. Rapist Chi-Chi.
1. An Eventful Morning

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or anything else in the story except the pink thing.  
  
A/N: In MY fic, Vegeta had turned super saiyan and defeated Frieza on Earth. Trunks had never came. That's right, this is the original timeline. Except, Goku still hasn't returned form Yardrat. Bulma and Vegeta have already started their relationship and Yamcha doesn't know. This fic takes place during those infamous three years before the androids arrive.  
  
Rated PG - 13 for language and sexual suggestion  


* * *

**Hate Triangle  
**   
An Eventful Morning  
  
  
  
  
Deep in space:  
  
"AH HA HA HA HA HA! We will get you Bulma Briefs!" an insanely voice yelled out at the top if it's lungs. To be exact, the voice belonged to the leader of the Fartlings. A race known all too well and feared all throughout the universe. Mostly feared for their lethal smell and flammability, they can easily rule the universe if they had merely desired.  
  
* * * * *  
  
A beautiful morning at the Son residence:  
  
"Gohan." Chi-Chi called out her child's name while packing plenty of capsules full of food.  
  
"Yes, Mom?" he asked, walking into the kitchen.  
  
"Bulma called earlier and invited us over to a picnic. Since you've been a good student and you are ahead in your studies, we are going to Bulma's and having a picnic." she paused "And since your already ready then I guess we can leave now."  
  
"Yeah!" He jumped up and down with glee "Come on Mom I'll fly you over there."   
  
"Um... okay, but keep your power level down or Vegeta might come out and try to spar or something." She thought for a second and then she pulled out her old frying pan. Gohan cringed. "Ah, I haven't used this in a long time. In fact, I think your father was the last person I used it on. I may need it today." Chi-Chi then magically placed the large pan in her small back pocket and headed outside.  
  
Gohan sighed in relief as Chi-Chi put away the black pan and followed her outside the house. He remembers it all too well and how she used it on his father and the other Z-fighters. He then picked up his smiling mother and started flying in the direction of the Capsule Corp.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Earlier that same beautiful morning at the Briefs residence:  
  
Bulma was sleeping in her big comfy king sized bed. One eye was cracked open as she slept. She was not that stupid to sleep with both eyes closed.  
  
The very faint sound of Vegeta's window opening made her jump up in her bed. She ran to her window and looked out to see Vegeta in his usual blue spandex, floating down to the G.R., ready to start his daily training. She watched as he stopped and cocked his head with a puzzled look on his face as he noticed something big and pink under Bulma's balcony. He shrugged it off. Mumbling, he turned and continued floating down to his precious gravity chamber. He entered the G.R. to start stretching just as he always does before his training.  
  
'Damn, his ass is nice...' "Ugh! What the fuck are you thinking Bulma!?! You should be running like hell into the woods!" she screamed as she grabbed her backpack that she prepared last night and since she cleverly went to bed wearing her running clothes and her best Nike's, she didn't have to get ready. She ran out onto her balcony and jumped off. Only for a second she had forgotten that it's located on the third story...  
  
She stared down at the ground. Panic was written all over her beautiful face. So many things were going through her head so quickly. Her whole short life flashed before her eyes. "I'm too ingenious and rich and beautiful and young to die," Bulma quietly whispered to herself.  
  
She was so scared silly of Vegeta and she wanted to get out of there before he found out that the G.R. wouldn't work and she doesn't have the part that would make it work. She grunted as she landed on a large, soft, pink thing. "Yes! It pays to be a genius!" She rolled off the shock absorbent that Piccolo strategically placed that night. As soon as she was on her feet, she started sprinting into the woods.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Around the same time:  
  
"Hm... I wonder if Bulma is awake yet," Yamcha thought out loud to himself when he was flying toward the Capsule Corp. "I'll go in through her window so not to wake her parents or run into Vegeta... I can't believe I dreamed that Bulma and Vegeta had sex! How absurd is that!?!" He laughed nervously and picked up his speed.  
  
In the G.R., Vegeta felt Bulma jump out the window and instantly start running into the woods. He then instantly figured out the reason why that big pink cushion was beside her balcony. He growled as he was about to go see what she did that made her plan to be so scared that she'd jump out her third story window onto a pink thing and hide in the woods. He made a mental note not to eat any food if she left it on the table for him. 'That woman is up to something...' he thought standing up to track down Bulma and threaten her and maybe fuck her, but he stopped when he felt Yamcha's ki rapidly approaching. 'It probably has something to do with the weakling' he smirked 'I wonder if she told him anything yet.' He shrugged and went to turn on the G.R. He frowned as the G.R. refused to work. "That Bitch! I'll get her for this!" he ranted while stomping out of the G.R. His smirk came back to him as an evil idea popped up in his head. He headed up to Bulma's bedroom.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Deep in the forest:  
  
Bulma stops running, panting heavily. "Whew! _*pant*_ Now that... _*pant*_ I've been... _*pant*_ running... _*pant*_ for two... _*pant*_ whole... _*pant*_ minutes... _* pant*_ I'll stop." She leaned against a tree, pulling out a water bottle and went deep into thought 'Gosh, I'm surprised Vegeta isn't here threatening me yet. Maybe he hasn't noticed anything yet. Or he decided to meditate before trying to turn on the G.R. If that's the case then I got hours!' She then sat down and pulled out here breakfast. 'Who knew Piccolo would be so easy to bribe?' She giggled at the her flashback.  
  
_"Well, what do you want?" The tall green warrior gruffly asked.  
  
"I want you to come by here tonight, when Vegeta is sleeping" she paused and an evil glint came up in her eyes "and take an important part of the G.R."  
  
"Are you crazy!?!" His antennas twitched in annoyance "If Vegeta finds out, he'll kill me."  
  
"He won't. I can promise you that, Greeny." A look of cockiness washed over her face "Besides, if you do this for me, I'll make it worth your while."  
  
Piccolo kept his arms crossed looking unamused.  
  
Bulma pulled out ten capsules "Here, I have ten kegs of your favorite beverage. Imported from America."  
  
Piccolo stared at the capsules, mouth watering "Yo - Yosemite... water?"  
  
"Yup. Yosemite water. Ten kegs of it, fresh from the water fall in America. It's not easy or inexpensive to get them shipped here."  
  
Piccolo's mouth actually hung open. Drool dripped from his fangs just thinking about that great water "Fine. I'll do it."  
  
"I knew you'd agree. You will get five now and the rest tomorrow night after you bring me back the part. Oh! An place this under my balcony for my escape from Vegeta tomorrow morning."  
  
Piccolo nodded, took five of his capsules and the mysterious pink capsule. Then he blasted off without a word._  
  
* * * * *   
Back at the C.C.:  
  
Vegeta laid on Bulma's king sized bed staring up at the ceiling. He smirked as he felt Yamcha's ki descend. 'This would be the perfect time to get the weakling to confess about all those times he came over with flowers for her, smelling like alcohol and tramp. The woman always thought it was just because he was thinking of her. Ha! I'll show her for her punishment!'  
  
As Yamcha was descending, he saw a big pink thing, thinking 'I wonder what that is'. He landed and walked in Bulma's room and got the surprise of his life when he saw Vegeta laying on Bulma's bed, smirking...  
  
"VEGETA!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?"  
  
Vegeta calmly looked toward the weakling with his normal mean looking straight face. "What?" he asked innocently "Can't a saiyan prince sleep in peace?"  
  
"I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO BECAUSE OF MY DREAM!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!"  
  
Vegeta kept his straight face as he quickly thought 'So the woman didn't tell the weakling yet. I wonder why she's stalling. Oh well, I can still have fun out of this.' He gave his answer calmly, "You thought something was going on between us like what always goes on between you and other human females?"  
  
Yamcha's mouth dropped "How... did you...?"  
  
"I am Saiyan, my senses are superior to that of a mere weakling human."  
  
Yamcha stood there dumbfounded.  
  
"You come over smelling like sex, whore, and alcohol." 'I swear Kakarot's friends are as dumb as him sometimes'  
  
Yamcha put a hand behind his back. "Oh yeah..." 'Damn monkey' "You won't tell Bulma, will you?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"Yes! Thank you SO much Vegeta. I owe you my life, my house, my loyalty, my food, my strength, my chick-tionary, my..."  
  
"...Unless, of course, you don't obey every command I give forth as my personal servant."  
  
"P-personal ser...vant?"  
  
"Yes, personal servant. On planet Vegeta, many killed so they can become a personal servant for the royal family. You can be like another Nappa. It's safe to say that the position is... to die for."  
  
With that, Yamcha started to feel light headed. His legs grew weak and he blacked out, luckily, before his head roughly hit the floor.  
  
Vegeta blinked "That pussy fainted." He started to growl, but was cut short of an annoying tune. Wanting to quickly turn it off, he investigated. It was coming from Yamcha's pocket. Vegeta reached in and pulled out a small cell phone. He had seen humans use these before, they act as primative scouters. He studied the phone and pressed talk "What."  
  
_"Yam! It's Mary. I miss you SOOoo much. Last night was the best night I ever had. Your sooo strong. Hope to see you again real soon. Love ya!" _*click* *busy signal*_  
  
_Vegeta smirked as he stuffed the phone in his tights "This can come in handy."  
  
He then picked up Yamcha's limp body and flew through the open window toward Bulma's ki 'Pathetic. She didn't even make it a half mile.'  
  
Bulma was in the middle of her snack so she didn't notice Vegeta floating above her. Or a large human body falling from the sky.  
  
"AUUUGH!!!" Bulma realized what had mysteriously fallen right in front of her was an unconscious Yamcha. She then looked up to see a very unhappy prince. "VEGETA! If I do something that you don't like then don't take it out on my friends!"  
  
"THEN FIX THAT DAMN MACHINE THAT YOU BROKE!!!"  
  
"I didn't break it!"  
  
"IT WAS WORKING PERFECTLY FINE LAST NIGHT!!!"  
  
"I can't! I need a certain part to fix it, but it won't be here until later tonight!"  
  
"Hmph!" Vegeta turned away from her 'I will make her pay' "So what do you propose I do until then?"  
  
Bulma bit her lip "Anything you wanna do, Prince" she replied seductively.  
  
He turned toward her surprised. He expected her to make him go to the beach or mall or picnic.  
  
"And then maybe we can have a picnic with the Sons."  
  
Vegeta frown dropped more. A situation like this was bound to happen. The spoiled woman always gets what she wants - and she wants to spend time with him. "I will not eat with that third class family of Kakarot's!!!"  
  
"Come on, Vegeta. Chi-Chi always insists on cooking and bringing every thing. She's the best cook on earth. And we don't have anything to do until then."  
  
"Hmph. It better be some good ass food. My gravity stimulator better be up as soon as you get that damn part. This better not be a trick to spend 'quality time' with me. Nobody better bother me. And you better be entertaining me well before those losers get here."  
  
"Don't worry, Vegeta." 'So what if its a trick'  
  
"Fine. Now lets start with the entertainment." Vegeta scooped her up at took off at top speed toward the C.C. building. Both forgot about the unconscious Yamcha.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Almost there Mom! I can see the C.C. from here!" Gohan happily called to his mother.  
  
"I see that Gohan." Chi-Chi was busy looking at a cooking magazine. 'Hmmm... I gotta try that.'   
  
'I can feel Yamcha in the woods.' "Mom, Yamcha's down there, should we check on him?"  
  
Chi-Chi paled at Yamcha's name. She did not want to see him at all. Just yesterday he called as he does just about every week and asks if there is anything he can do for her since Goku isn't around. He tried giving her his cell phone number, but she 'accidentally misplaced' it. He had even showed up at the house and tried giving her 'stress relieving massages', but she just made him fetch wood and leave. She did not feel like putting up with Yamcha's continuous flirting. "No, Gohan, he's probably just training or something."  
  
"I don't think he's training, his power level is really low. I think he maybe hurt or something."  
  
'Isn't his power level always low?' "Oh, he'll be fine. He's not even a half mile from the C.C."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Woman! Faster! They are on their way here!"  
  
"Shut up, Vegeta! My name is Bulma! I'm going as fast as I can! You inconsiderate, arrogant, stupid, mother..."  
  
Bulma was cut off by an annoying song. Vegeta reached down and answered the phone. "What the fuck do you want?" he asked amused.  
  
_"Yamcha! Was that your name?"  
  
"_ No."  
_  
"Oh, it doesn't matter what your name was. This is Tina from Tuesday night. You were supposed to be here an hour ago. Hurry, I can't wait any longer, baby! And bring plenty of oil. I like it in the ass. I live at 364 Pine St. Hurry over..." _ *click*  
  
"Vegeta! Who did you steal that phone from?!? Yamcha?!? Promise that you'll give that damn phone back to him unharmed or I'll never let you touch me again!"  
  
Vegeta looked at the phone 'Damn, I really wanted to destroy this after I had my fun with it. Hm...' he moved his gaze to a very naked Bulma and then down to his extremely hardened member and then back at the phone "Fine, Woman, I promise I won't destroy the phone."  
  
"Bulma!. Now lets hurry."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Oooh, Gohan! You've grown so big and handsome! I hardly noticed you!" Mrs. Briefs gave Gohan a big bear hug.  
  
"Mrs. Briefs, where is Bulma?" Chi-Chi dared to ask.  
  
"Oh, she's upstairs with Vegeta. I think that they are fighting again because she's been yelling his name over and over again for the last few hours," she stated "I just don't like it when they fight like that. They'd be such a cute couple and Vegeta is such a good boy."  
  
Chi-Chi decided to investigate. She left Gohan with Mrs. Briefs. 'Bulma always knew how Yamcha was and she always swore to get back at him 100 fold. Sleeping with Vegeta would be getting back at him a million fold, since Vegeta was evil and he was the one that killed Yamcha. Another reason is that Yamcha was so jealous of him because Vegeta has captured the hearts of millions of earthlings without even trying and that includes most of Yamcha's girlfriends.' Chi-Chi snickered as she thought. 'Years ago, Bulma made Yamcha wear a pink shirt. As they walked through the mall, the girls looked at him disgusted and they had made comments like "Fag", "Fudge packer", and "Holy shit! It's Elton John!" When Vegeta walked through the mall with a pink shirt on, he glared at anyone who looked at him. He even picked some guy up and threw him into the trash can on the first floor from the second just for staring at him. The girls watched him and said things like "Wow, he's brave", "He makes pink look so good on men", and "Now there's a MAN!"' Chi-Chi giggled again. 'The look on Yamcha's face was as if he was in hell. The girls wouldn't even pay attention to him because they were too busy watching Vegeta. Even Bulma was too caught up in Vegeta to care about Yamcha. This would be the perfect payback.'  
  
She stopped at Bulma's door and banged loudly. She heard a "Shit! I'm not even ready yet!" and "Damn Woman" and "Bulma!"  
  
"Bulma!" Chi-Chi yelled "I wanna know what's going on!" She stopped yelling as the door swung open revealing Vegeta fully dressed in his spandex. Bulma appeared behind him, dressed poorly and with messed up hair. Just then Gohan came up behind Chi-Chi, confused.  
  
"I will tell Kakarot's mate, Woman" Vegeta finally said.  
  
"Bulma! Fine." Bulma turned to Gohan "Hey, Kid, there's a cushion underneath my balcony. Do you wanna go jump out my window?"  
  
"Yeah!" Gohan followed as they ran and jumped off of Bulma's balcony.  
  
"Well?" Chi-Chi pried.  
  
"It's none of your business what goes on between me and the woman."  
  
"WHAT!?! THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE GONNA TELL ME?!?"  
  
"HOW IS MY LIFE ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS?!?"  
  
"BULMA'S LIFE IS MY BUSINESS!!!"  
  
"NO IT'S NOT!!!"  
  
"YES IT IS!!!"  
  
And so it goes on like this for a while...  
  
"Wee!" Bulma and Gohan yelled out in unison.  
  
"This pink thing is fun, Bulma!"  
  
* * * * *   
"So this is Bulma Briefs, the most intelligent human on this planet," the leaders of the Fartlings asked while looking at the look-out screen "and she's right beneath us?"  
  
"Yes, Lord Fart."  
  
"Good" Lord Fart smiled "Toot!"  
  
"Yes, Lord Fart?" asked Toot.  
  
"Beam up Bulma Briefs."  
  
"But Sir, if we beam her up now then we will also get a kid and a big pink thing that they are sitting on."  
  
"That's okay." Lord Fart started laughing evilly.   
  
* * * * *  
  
"Hey, Bulma, what's that in the sky?" Gohan pointed.  
  
"Wow. I think it's a space craft. I don't think the Corp. owns it"  
  
Suddenly, a blue ray shoot's out of it's base right at them. Bulma barely had enough time to scream before she was zapped aboard with Gohan and the pink thing.  
  
"VEGETAAAaaa..."  
  
"BITCH, YOU CAN GO FU...!!!" Vegeta stopped in the middle of yelling at Chi-Chi as he heard Bulma scream his name. Both him and Chi-Chi ran to the window to see the spacecraft depart at the speed of light into space.  
  
"GOHAN!!!"  
  
"WOMAN!!!"  


* * *

A/N: Don't worry people, Piccolo will come next chapter and there is plenty of fighting between the three. It'll be the chapter where they take off deep into space on a crowded ship. Ten points to who ever comes up with some good names for the Farts! I'm open for suggestions, corrections, and even opinions.  



	2. Take Off

A/N: First of all, I would like to that you for the reviews. I would also like to thank those who came up with names for the Fartlings. Some of them were so funny, I couldn't stop laughing. Thanks.  


* * *

  
**  
** **Hate Triangle  
  
** Chapter 2 - Take Off  
  
Chi-Chi and Vegeta stared up into the sky with disbelief.  
  
"Hey!" a voice called out from below.  
  
They both looked down to see Yamcha scratching his head and groaned.  
  
"Did you guys see what I saw? Some aliens came and took Bulma and Gohan. I wonder why." Yamcha mentioned as he scratched his head. "Oh! I found Bulma's bag when I woke up in the woods. Do any one of you know why her bag was in the woods and packed full of capsules to last her months? And why did I wake up half a mile away from the C.C.! Last thing I remember was being in Bulma's room with Vegeta..." he stopped, visibly paling  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha! Go cook me some food, servant!" Vegeta yelled down at Yamcha.  
  
"HEY! Monkey brains! Did you not notice that aliens left with Bulma and my Gohan?!? How could you think of food at a time like this?!?" Chi-Chi was flapping her arms, yelling.  
  
"Hmmm... maybe you are right," he thought out loud "HEY, SERVANT!!! Go get the old man to come out here and get the G.R. working again!" He glared down at the unmoving Yamcha. "NOW!" Vegeta formed a quick ki ball and fired it at Yamcha, barely missing him as he scurried into the building "And hurry the fuck up!"  
  
"WHAT!?! MY POOR BABY IS UP THERE WITH NOTHING TO STUDY AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS THAT FUCKING G.R.?!? WHAT ABOUT BULMA?!?" Chi-Chi started turning red with rage, breathing very heavily.  
  
"Calm down, Bitch. The G.R. is also a spaceship," he calmly explained.  
  
She turned her natural color and her breathing went back to normal "Oh. Well, in that case, do you want some food?" she asked holding up a small picnic basket walking into Bulma's room and sat on the floor.  
  
Vegeta fearfully watched her every move. If you had witnessed Chi-Chi's mood swings, you would be shitting all over yourself. He watched as she pulled out a bunch of capsules from the basket and all the good food popped out. He suddenly forgot about her insanity and sat down to eat with Chi-Chi. Little did these two know, this was the last peaceful meal they will have in a very long time...  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Well, Vegeta, I got good news and bad news," Dr. Briefs sighed. Yamcha had gone and fetched him like Vegeta had demanded. Now they all were in Bulma's room discussing what to do.  
  
"Tell me Old Man! I haven't got all eternity!" Vegeta growled in annoyance.  
  
"Ahem. Me and Bulma made a small space ship, but it needs a generator..."  
  
"Don't you have one?!?" Vegeta asked holding up a fist, threateningly.  
  
"Well, we DID have a half dozen of them, but..."  
  
"BUT WHAT?!?" his vein bulged out.  
  
"But they are also needed in the G.R. and you blew them all up, except for one, but that has mysteriously disappeared. Stolen from the G.R."  
  
The room grew quiet until Vegeta spoke up.  
  
"It was you! Wasn't it weakling?" he pointed at Yamcha.  
  
"No! I was... um... busy last night."  
  
"Oh, yes. That's right" he remembered the phone call. Then he turned to Chi-Chi, "It was you! You don't want me killing Kakarot."  
  
"I didn't touch that stupid machine! Your no threat to my Goku!"  
  
Vegeta growled "Maybe it was Kakarot. No he's too stupid to do something like that and he's still dicking around in space. Maybe it was that Three-Eyed Freak and his Mr. Mime. Or it was the Bald Runt. Or that Fat Coward who cut off my tail. No..."  
  
The room grew quiet once again.  
  
Everyone's ears perked up at the sound of humming and light singing. "Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. La la la da da dat! If you wanna be my lover... la la la la la! Hmm, hmm, hmm..." They all looked to the window to see Piccolo moon walking into the room, oblivious that they were in the room watching him dance and sing to the Spice Girls. "Girl Power!" he yelled in a high pitched voice and spun on his heels, giving a peace sign. This is when he noticed Vegeta, Chi-Chi, Yamcha, and the elder Briefs staring at him, wide eyed.  
  
As soon as he had seen Vegeta, he had quickly put the generator behind his back. "Where is Bulma?" he asked, turning a dark shade of purple.  
  
This did not go unnoticed by the Prince since he was the first to recover from his shock. "What do you have behind your cape, Namek" he growled through clenched teeth.  
  
"It's a part Bulma paid me to pick up and bring back later," Piccolo answered uneasily.  
  
Right then, everything hit Vegeta like a ton of Guru's. 'That damn Woman was trying to spend time with me. Well, I'll show her!' "Ah ha ha ha ha...!" Vegeta laughed evilly. He abruptly stopped when realized that he laughed out loud. Vegeta looked at everyone's faces. Even Piccolo was looking at him like he was mad.  
  
There was an awkward silence until that familiar annoying tune came on again.  
  
"Ugh! Who put their ringer on that stupid 'Playground' song?" Chi-Chi covered her ears.  
  
"Yes. It is rather annoying," Piccolo cut in.  
  
"Hey! It's a good song. Plus, chicks dig it," Yamcha winked at Chi-Chi, who shivered with disgust. "Where's my phone?" he asked patting his pockets.  
  
"Hello." Vegeta finally answered the phone with an evil smirk on his face. "Yes. This is that weakling Yamcha... I'll be there in two minutes... okay... good bye, Bitch." *click*  
  
"VEGETA!!! WHO WAS THAT?!?" Yamcha paled.  
  
"That was Mandy. Apparently you stood her up last night," Piccolo over heard with his super namekian ears. He shook his head "You don't know anything about playing."  
  
"The Namek is obviously right, Scarface." Vegeta nodded his head toward Piccolo.  
  
"TOO BAD I'M A HATER!!!" with that screeched, Chi-Chi pulled out her frying pan and started beating Yamcha with it, "THIS IS FOR BULMA! THIS IS FOR YOU BOTHERING ME! THIS IS FOR BULMA, AGAIN! THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE GIRLS YOU PLAYED! THIS ONE IS FOR BULMA! AND SO IS THIS ONE! AND THAT ONE!..."  
  
And so it goes on like this for a while...  
  
"Old Man! Prepare my ship to retrieve the Woman!" Vegeta yelled at Dr. Briefs.  
  
Dr. Briefs just skipped out the door. He was happy that someone would try to save his annoying daughter.  
  
"I'll go cook lots of food for you guys to eat and stock the ship with goodies!" Mrs. Briefs cheerfully said and skipped out of the room after her husband.  
  
"Humph," Vegeta thought aloud "Maybe I will run into that loser Kakarot in space. I will definitely look for him after I retrieve the Woman."  
  
This comment didn't go unheard by Chi-Chi, who stopped beating Yamcha for a moment "Aren't you gonna save Gohan too?!?"  
  
Piccolo's antennas raised in surprise. He had felt aliens enter the atmosphere earlier and leave a short while longer. He had already figured that they had kidnapped Bulma by now, but Gohan? He had to find out "Did the aliens take Gohan, too?"  
  
"Yes, Bitch, I suppose I will retrieve the brat as well as the woman since it's not too far out of the way. Yes, Namek, they took Kakarot's brat," Vegeta looked bored.  
  
Yamcha uncurled from the little ball he was in, but still sat in the corner "Hey, Vegeta, why are you gonna help my Bulma? I thought you hated her."  
  
Vegeta looked at Yamcha "I recognized the ship as a Farter ship. Fartlings are extremely dangerous and I consider them a great challenge. Even Frieza didn't even bother them because of their lethal smell and deadly gasses. They were also rivals of the Saiyan empire. Since I destroyed Frieza and Kakarot is no where to defeat, I will entertain myself by making a race like the Fartlings extinct." Vegeta smirked at Yamcha, "I do hate the annoying Woman, but she is also a good fuck." He laughed at the look of horror on Yamcha's face, "Now you be a good servant, I mean, an acceptable servant and prepare my things or I will let the Woman answer your phone." He laughed and walked out to check out the training room in the new space ship.  
  
Yamcha curled back up into a ball, hugging his Bulma's backpack to his chest. A tear slipped down his bruised and bloodied cheek as he told himself "He's just trying to make me feel bad. Bulma loves me, she wouldn't cheat on me. I'm ten times the man Vegeta is." He imagined Vegeta and Bulma getting intimate and started rocking back and forth, crying harder.  
  
Chi-Chi ignored Yamcha and pulled out a rag to use on her beloved pan. She hummed happily as she wiped Yamcha's blood off her pan 'So, if Vegeta runs into Goku, he will get the beating of his life because I'm going with to make sure Gohan is safe and that he keeps studying. Yes, Goku, I will beat the shit out of you for leaving me alone to care for our son and making me live in abstinence for so many years. And then I will rape you...'  
  
Piccolo witnessed Chi-Chi's eyes go from happy and carefree to evil with a hint of hornyness as she spaced out with an unreadable expression that made him shudder. 'I think it's time to get out of this room and into the ship. I will make sure that Vegeta doesn't leave Gohan behind just to be alone with Bulma in space. And I have to get my payment from Bulma.' he turned and floated out the window.  
  
Chi-Chi snapped out of her perverted daydream "Where did Piccolo go? How dare he leave me here alone with Yamcha. I gotta go get on that ship. Good thing I brought a few capsules with things for Gohan to study. And I'm sure Bulma won't mind if I borrowed some of her clothes. I'm sure she has a years worth of clothes in that bag of hers. I'll just get into it when Yamcha brings it on board." She smiled at her intelligence and left the room to find the space ship.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Alright, Weakling, put all my stuff and the Woman's bag in the master bedroom." Vegeta pointed to the back room of the space shuttle, smirking.  
  
Yamcha went to the room to do as he was told thinking 'Vegeta is just trying to make me think there is something going on between him and my Babe. But I know better than to listen to him.' He stopped when he opened the door to the master bedroom and couldn't walk in because it was already filled up. "Uh, Vegeta..." Yamcha was cut off by a deadly growl, "I mean, Master Prince Of Saiyans Vegeta, there is no space in the master bedroom for anything."  
  
"WHAT?!? All I have is one puny duffle bag!" Vegeta stomped to the bedroom to find it packed with studying material. The vein in his forehead popped out "THAT BITCH!!!"  
  
Yamcha saw the vein and took that as a sign to escape from the mad Saiyan Prince. He dropped the bags and cowered into the closest room.  
  
"DON'T CALL ME A BITCH, SHORTY!!!" Chi-Chi's voice boomed from inside the room.  
  
"YOUR NOT COMING!!!" Vegeta yelled at into books even though he couldn't see her from the lack of space.  
  
"YES I AM!!!" Chi-Chi yelled back through the piles of books and studying material.  
  
Yamcha closed the door behind him, noticing that he was in the control room. He sighed "How did I get into this mess. Vegeta wants me to go so I can cook and clean for him and possibly to torture and kill me. And he's trying to trick me into thinking that him and my Babe are screwing. I saw those five kegs in the kitchen. I knew Vegeta liked beer, but five kegs? Maybe he wants to get Bulma drunk. I should go to make sure that Bulma is safe, but I have so many dates to go on. What am I gonna do?" He leaned against the controls, sighing, oblivious that his elbow pushed a big green button that said 'Take Off'.  
  
Suddenly a red light came on along with a computerized voice **"Launching in 10...9...8...7..."**  
  
Piccolo heard the countdown start and came out of his meditation spot to confront Yamcha and to try and stop the launching process. Being stuck in space with Vegeta was bad enough, but with Chi-Chi, too? When she wouldn't be yelling at Vegeta, she'd be yelling at him. His sensitive hearing would not let that happen if he could prevent it.  
  
Yamcha finally realized what was happening "SHIT! Fuck saving Bulma! She can take care of herself and she'll never sleep with that Monkey in a million years! I'd let Vegeta kill me again before I get stuck in outer space with him!" He rushed out of the room.  
  
Vegeta and Chi-Chi stopped arguing to listen to the countdown. "FUCK!!! You need to get out now or I'll be stuck in space with you for the next few months! Come out now!!!" Vegeta yelled at the books and started frantically ripping through the education material to get Chi-Chi out of the ship before it launched.  
  
"NO VEGETA!!! I'M GOING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!!" Chi-Chi yelled back.  
  
**"6...5..."**  
  
Yamcha flew past Piccolo quickly approaching the control room. "Yamcha, what did you do?!? Chi-Chi's on board!!!"  
  
Yamcha ignored him and flew as fast as he could toward the exit. Piccolo rushed into the control room, cursing.  
  
"GET OUT NOW!!!" Vegeta's eyes bugged out. He was truly pissed.  
  
"NEVER!!!" Chi-Chi was still far behind the thick walls of books.  
  
**"4...3..."**  
  
Yamcha was barely passing Vegeta who was screaming "AUGH...!!!" and start blasting at the walls of books. Yamcha panicked when he saw the automatic door closing.  
  
"HEY!!! DON'T BLAST GOHAN'S STUDIES!!!" Chi-Chi screeched.  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Vegeta continued to blast the thick wall. He felt Yamcha fly by and instantly knew it was his doing. He was completely red with rage.  
  
Piccolo looked around the control room. His eyes soaked in buttons, switches, levers, lights, gauges and plenty more. He never flew a space ship before and knew nothing about one.  
  
**"2...1..."**  
  
"I'M FREE, LADIES!!!" Yamcha yelled just as his shoelace barely made it outside the ship when the door shut.  
  
"I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS, WEAKLING!!!" Vegeta yelled, shaking his fist at the closed door, after realizing there was no hope to get Chi-Chi out in time.  
  
"MOMMY'S COMING, GOHAN!!!" Chi-Chi yelled from deep inside the room, filled with hope.  
  
"DAMN YOU, KAME!!!" Piccolo yelled at the direction of Kame's lookout after he broke a lever.  
  
**"Take Off."**  
  
"FUCK!!!" Piccolo threw the broken lever at the speaker.  
  
"NOOOOOO...!" Vegeta collapsed onto his knees, pulling his hair.  
  
"AHHAHAHA...!" Chi-Chi insanely laughed her triumph laugh.  
  
"Ahhh..." Yamcha sighed, laying lazily in the Capsule Corporation's thick, green, and rich lawn.  
  
The space ship blasted off into deep into space. Doomed to be out of Earth's atmosphere for months in the least... if the passenger's don't kill each other.  
  
Yamcha watched as the ship left. "Yes. Now I can go out and do anything because my girlfriend is out of town!" Yamcha laughed at his own joke and reached for his phone to remember that Vegeta had it "FUCK!!!"  
  
Piccolo sighed in defeat "I may as well go get some water." He walked out of the control room into the living room.  
  
Vegeta saw something green move in the corner of his eye and turned his head "NAMEK!!!" He banged his head against the floor of the living room, making a big dent. "_I hate_ the Namek and the Bitch."  
  
Chi-Chi heard Vegeta yell 'Namek'. "Fuck. Piccolo is on board, too? _I hate_ him as much as I hate Vegeta." Then she tried to move. "Fuck. HEY, GUYS! HOW AM I GETTING OUT OF HERE?!?"  
  
Vegeta continued to hit his head on the floor, making a bigger dent.  
  
Piccolo heard Chi-Chi and saw Vegeta. "The things I do for that kid. I'm stuck in a space ship with two people _I hate_. A Saiyan and a Human. And I can't kill either of them." He continued into the kitchen.  


* * *

How is it so far? Like it? Love it? Hate it? Don't care?   
I'm still open for names for the Fartlings. I already got some good one's, but the more, the better.  
How will Chi-Chi get out of the crammed room? Will Vegeta go crazy and kill them? What about Yamcha's phone? Will Piccolo get to meditate with Chi-Chi on board? What lever did Piccolo break? What about Bulma and Gohan? What is Lord Fart planning for them?  



	3. Well, Namek, sex is

Big Namekian Ballz - Thanks for the reviews!  
  
I do NOT own that horrible song "Ironic" or that long ass movie "Titanic." Or DBZ.  
And I'll say this now, I got no beef with Canadian's.  


* * *

  
** Hate Triangle**  
Well, Namek, sex is...  
  
  
Gohan was the first to open his eyes. He saw Bulma lying next to him on the big pink cushion. They were in a small white room and by the door there was a speaker and two things that looked like gas masks. He mentally took note of the size of the door. It was only a few feet taller than him. He shook Bulma lightly.  
  
Bulma giggled "Oh no, Vegeta. Not again..." She grabbed Gohan into an embrace and puckered up.  
  
Gohan's eyes popped out of his head as she was closing in for the kiss "AUGH!!!"  
  
Bulma's eyes shot open "AUGH!!!" She shoved him away.  
  
"I'm sorry Gohan, I thought you were Vegeta."  
  
Gohan was shaking uncontrollably "Then why did you try to k-k-_ kiss_ me, Bulma?"  
  
"Uh...did I say Vegeta? I meant to say Yamcha." She laughed nervously.  
  
"Ewww...you kiss Yamcha? You could get cooties!"  
  
Bulma sighed "Just wait for about ten years and you'll understand, Gohan."  
  
Just then they heard the speaker turn on. _"Ding. Put on the masks."_  
  
Bulma turned red with rage and started yelling at the speakers "I do NOT have to listen to you! My father is the owner of Capsule Corp.! NOBODY tells ME what to do!"  
  
_"Just shut the fuck up and put on the masks or the fumes beyond these doors will kill your spoiled little rich girl ass." _ The speaker replied.  
  
Bulma rushed to get a mask. "Fine! But I demand to know what I'm doing here afterwards!" Gohan did the same.  
  
Just as they finished putting on their masks, the little door opened revealing a startling sight.  
  
Gohan looked down at the alien. It was shorter than Gohan, it had no hair, six little dots on it's forehead, and...no nose?  
  
"Greetings. I am Putt-Putt, a Fartling. We do not come in peace..."  
  
Bulma looked down from picking at her nails "Oh. I'm sorry. Where you saying something?" She blinked "Hey, you remind me of some one. I just can't put my finger on it..."  
  
"Well, as I was saying...we are an extremely powerful race; the Fartlings..." he noticed Bulma and Gohan playing a game of chess, not listening. He sighed "Why is it that all aliens don't pay attention to our race? And why do they forget about us trying to take over the universe?" He farted to get their attention.  
  
"What the f-?" Bulma looked at Putter. "UH! Even with these masks on, that fart fucking reeks! No wonder your species don't have a nose! If you guys had a nose then you would all destroy yourselves with your own smell! Kami! What kind of shit did you eat?!"  
  
"Don't you wanna know why you are here!?"  
  
"Yeah, Shorty! Tell us why we are here!" She stood up and put her hands on her hips.  
  
"Then you better listen this time!"  
  
Bulma and Gohan sat down on the pink thing and listened while drinking coffee so they wouldn't fall asleep.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! I WANNA WATCH THE MOVIE WITH YOU GUYS!!!" Chi-Chi was going crazy in the room. She couldn't move and found it hard to breath.  
  
"Humph. Doesn't Harpy ever get tired of yelling?" Vegeta sat in the living room watching T.V. with Piccolo. "She's ruining the movie!"  
  
"Obviously not. She's been in there for hours and she hasn't stopped screaming. My ears are really starting to hurt." Piccolo ,answered keeping his attention on the T.V.  
  
_"Jack...JACK!" Rose__ shook Jack's stiff hand, but he wouldn't wake up..._  
  
Vegeta's bottom lip started to quiver, but he was determined to look tough in front of Piccolo. Piccolo sniffed and took his cape to dry his eyes. He looked over to Vegeta and offered him a section of his cape. Vegeta roughly grabbed the cape and buried his face into it's softness, balling his eyes out. Piccolo rubbed his back in understanding.  
  
Vegeta realized that he was showing weakness and let go of the cape and quickly shoved him away. "Damn Namek! *sniff* I don't need your comfort or pity! I just got something in my eye..." He rubbed his eyes with his fists and they both turned their attention back to the T.V.  
  
_Rose pried his frozen hands off the floating door and watched him sink to his watery grave. "I'll never let go, Jack...I'll nev-"_  
  
"GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!! WHEN MY GOKU GETS BACK, I'M GONNA SICK HIM ON YOU TWO!!!"  
  
"FUCK!!! She ruined the best part!...I mean...I'm going to go train in that little training room." Vegeta got up and headed toward the built in G.R.  
  
"Fine. Since I won't get any meditating done, then I guess I'll start digging her out." Piccolo stood up and walked to the door made of books and studying material.  
  
"Don't help that Bitch!" Vegeta yelled at Piccolo.  
  
Piccolo stuffed the ends of his cape into his ears and started pulling out books "Your ears aren't as sensitive as mine.."  
  
Vegeta crouched into a fighting stance "She'll get out of there over my lifeless body." Piccolo took a fighting stance also ready to fight.  
  
"FINE!" Chi-Chi screeched. "IF YOU DON'T GET ME OUT OF HERE THEN I'M GONNA START SINGING!!!...IT'S LIKE RAI-I-AIN ON YOUR WEDDING DAY...!!!"  
  
Vegeta and Piccolo cringed. "Fine. Get the Harpy out. Anything besides HER singing THAT song, Ironic by that damn Canadian."  
  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I am digging you out, now!" Piccolo started grunting as he was stacking Gohan's books neatly in the living room. He found a video camera and set it down next to him. 'I hate these things, but it may come in handy.'  
  
Vegeta humphed and turned toward the G.R. He took one step and fell flat on his face. "AUGH!!!" Vegeta rolled on the floor screaming and holding his ankle that was twisted so his toes were pointing behind him.  
  
Piccolo saw it happen and was trying hard not to laugh. "You shouldn't have made that big dent in the floor with your head." He snickered.  
  
Vegeta stopped screaming and looked at Piccolo for a moment, then shot a small ki blast at him. "I'm fine! I can handle a slightly broken ankle. I AM the Price of Saiyans." With that said, he stuck his nose in the air and stood up.  
  
Piccolo grabbed the video camera and hurried to turn it on. He snickered again as he thought 'I can't miss him try to walk on it.' He turned it on and started taping Vegeta.  
  
Vegeta tried to walk on his broken ankle with a strait face, then on his first step, there was a nasty 'SNAP!' Vegeta crumbled back on to the floor screaming again. His foot was folded against his leg, bone was sticking out, and his toes were still pointing behind him.  
  
"Now THAT is the most broken ankle I've ever seen." Piccolo said into the microphone with wide eyes. He was too disgusted to laugh.  
  
Vegeta was laying on the ground, heartbroken. "I can't believe I felt and twisted my ankle. I am the Prince of Saiyans! The legendary Super Saiyan! Taken down by a mere dent in the floor. A dent that I created! Then I make it all worse by trying to walk on it!" Vegeta growled at himself and made his hands into fists "Now I'll never beat Kakarot. I'm a failure. I can't even walk anymore!!!" Vegeta lay there in defeat.  
  
Piccolo stopped recording "Damn Vegeta, your way too hard on yourself sometimes. Just float to the sofa and we'll tend to your ankle later." He sat the camera down and kept on pulling out more books from the room.  
  
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, NAMEK!!!" Vegeta humphed and floated to the sofa and turned on the T.V., leaving a trail of blood behind him.  
  
Piccolo just rolled his eyes at Vegeta's mood swings. 'I wonder why Chi-Chi is so quiet? Maybe she finally passed out form the lack of oxygen. Oh well, better enjoy it while I can.'  
  
* * * * *  
  
Bulma and Gohan just stared at Putt-Putt in disbelief.  
  
"So... what you are saying is that your race, the Fartlings, took me, Gohan and my pink thing millions of light years away from our planet to make a mask and to design something else?" Bulma asked.  
  
"Yes. That is correct. But it's a VERY special mask and a VERY special project to design. Lord Fart needs a special mask so he will be able to stand his own stench. He is too powerful for his own good. And the other project is for our own project. If you co-operate then we may spare your planet." Putt-Putt proudly explained.  
  
Gohan looked at Bulma with those puppy dog eyes "Can I blow him to smithereens now, Bulma?"  
  
"I don't think your mom would be too happy with me if I let you blow up aliens, but what Mom don't know won't hurt her, will it?" She winked at Gohan.  
  
Gohan smiled real big and blasted Putt-Putt. He giggled evilly.  
  
Bulma watched Gohan and the evil glint in his eyes and thought 'Gosh. When are you coming home, Goku? Gohan really needs a male role model other than Vegeta.'  
  
As soon as Putt-Putt was killed, a thick greenish-brown cloud of stank-ass smoke emerged from where his body was. It filled the room, making Gohan and Bulma pass out again.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Back on earth...hours after take off...  
  
Yamcha came out of Mandi's house in a good mood, but still pondered which Mandy called when Vegeta answered the phone. 'Well, it wasn't THAT Mandi that called me. Hm...maybe he said Candy...' after thinking for a while he snapped his fingers as he remembered "A-HA! It was little Mandy! I remember picking her up from her junior high school and telling her that I'd sneak into her room last night!" He thought some more "Damn, I hate going over to her house. Her over-protective father is a professional hunter that can find a needle in a haystack in two seconds. Not to mention he has a good shot and a expert with knives.' He gulped and started heading toward her house "I gotta be careful sneaking in."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Vegeta finally finished flipping through the channels and found something interesting on the dirty human station. He smirked as he thought about Bulma.  
  
Piccolo finally found Chi-Chi. Just as he suspected, she was out from the lack of oxygen. She was still half way hanging out of the area that he cleared away. He snorted and grabbed Chi-Chi's by her clothing and yanked, ignoring the ripping sound of cloth. He pulled her out and dropped her on the floor then went to a chair and sat down to watch T.V.  
  
That annoying tune started to play again. Vegeta picked up the phone "What." Piccolo listened with his Namek ears.  
  
_"Yam...this is Mandy again"_ the girl who said that was obviously crying. _"I thought you loved me... *sniff*...but this whole time you were playin' me, weren't you? First you stood me up last night and then you told me hours ago that you would come by in two minutes."_ She started crying harder _"I know that I'm only 12 and you are old enough to be my father, but I still love you..."_  
  
Vegeta thought about all she had said and was disgusted with Yamcha, but the fact that he was a big loser and that this would bring some good blackmail was too much for Vegeta's evil mind to handle "BWAHAHAHAHA...!!!"  
  
_"How dare you laugh at me, you jerk!"_ She was crying even more now _"And I'm gonna show every one that picture of you in that pink tutu!"_ Then she hung up.  
  
Vegeta and Piccolo busted up laughing after she hung up. Then they started watching the T.V. again. Chi-Chi was still passed out on the floor, the top half of her body was exposed.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Yamcha looked in the window to see Mandy crying on her bed. He smiled to himself, thinking that he was about to get some from the young lady. He tapped the glass.  
  
Mandy looked up and shot him a dirty look. She got up from her bed and stomped to the window and slammed it open on his fingers. "You got alot of nerve coming here after laughing at me on the phone like that!"  
  
Yamcha's eyes widened and he stopped shaking his hands "Candy, it wasn't me! A short, evil, and powerful alien with big, spiky hair stole my phone and took it into outer space with him!"  
  
Mandy glared at him "My name is Mandy! Not Candy! And I know I'm young, but I'm not stupid!"  
  
"But, Mindy! It's the truth!"  
  
With that said, Mandy took a rather large intake of air "DADDY!!!!! THERE'S A STRANGER IN MY ROOM!!! HELP!!!"  
  
Daddy woke up from his nap and as fast as any Z-warrior, he grabbed his rifle and extra ammo and was up in his daughter's room aiming out the window at Yamcha's retreating body. Daddy took three shot and laughed maniacally "Hahaha! I'll teach you to mess with my daughter!" Then he jumped out the window and started running after Yamcha.  
  
"GET HIM DADDY!!!" Mandy was already feeling much better. She grabbed the picture of Yamcha and went to go make plenty of copies.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Piccolo stared at the T.V. with his antennas standing erect and a surprised looked on his face as he watched the porno that Vegeta was watching. Vegeta tnoticedhis and smirked "What's wrong, Namek?" He asked in a mocking tone.  
  
Piccolo took no notice in Vegeta's tone "W-what are those humans doing, Vegeta?"  
  
Vegeta snickered "They are doing IT, Namek." He snickered again behind his hand. "Why? Didn't anyone ever explain to the Asexual Namek how sex and reproduction works?"  
  
Piccolo thought about it and remembered something...  
  
_Flashback:  
  
"Goku?"  
  
"Yeah, Piccolo?"  
  
"What is this...sex that I always hear humans talk about?"  
  
"Well, Piccolo, it's how humans have babies."  
  
"You mean humans don't hatch from an egg that is barfed up from their father?...Like me?"  
  
"Nope! Gohan came out from a little hole between Chi-Chi's legs." Goku added with a big cheesy grin on his face.  
  
"But, what is sex?"  
  
"Well, sex is where two people get married and then the wife gives her husband some funny tasting water and the husband starts to feel funny and forgets what happens during the night. Then the next morning, the husband wakes up with a bad headache, feeling sick, and it burns him to go pee. And the wife is in a really good mood and next thing you know, the wife is pregnant! That's how Gohan was made!"  
  
Piccolo raised an antenna thinking 'Maybe I asked the wrong person. I should ask Tien or Yamcha or Krillen."  
  
End flashback._  
  
"No. No one had ever told me what sex is or how human reproduction works."  
  
"Then I shall enlighten you..."  
  
Piccolo scooted closer to Vegeta, but scooted and inch or two back after Vegeta growled at him for getting too close to his broken and bleeding ankle.  
  
"Well, Namek, sex is..."  
  


* * *

Big Namekian Ballz - Again, I got no beef with Canadians  
So what will happen with Bulma and Gohan? Why did that alien look so familiar to Bulma? Does anyone care what happens to Yamcha? What will Chi-Chi do when she wakes up half naked and clothes torn? What will Vegeta tell Piccolo? What's up with the pink thing? What about Vegeta's ankle? Is anyone reading this?   
Next chapter...Chi-Chi wakes up. Bulma and Gohan find out exactly what else they have to make other than a mask. Vegeta's ankle gets the best of him. Piccolo studies.  
  
Vegeta is territorial and some professional kidnappers want to take Bulma for ransom. Will Vegeta let her be taken or will he blast the intruders? A humorous B/V get together. Rated PG-13. Check out my other fic "**Trespassing**!"   



	4. The Legend Of Killer

A/N - Finally got this chapter up! Hope you all had a good summer. I moved out of my dorm and back home to the land of no technology. That means no internet either. So that's why I haven't posted. My apologies. Enjoy this extra long chapter.  


* * *

  
** Hate Triangle**  
The Legend of Killer  
  
  
"...and that's how the sperm is deposited into the female. Then a brat starts to grow inside the bitch and that's where brat's come from."  
  
Piccolo's antennas stood erect form shock. "Vegeta, have you...done...IT?"  
  
"Of course I have, Namek."  
  
"Who would have sex with YOU? Who would want your brat?"  
  
Vegeta humphed "I'll have you know that I was the most wanted warrior on Frieza's ship." He smirked "How about you? Are you still a virgin?"  
  
"Virgin?"  
  
"Someone who hasn't had sex yet. I'll take that as a yes."  
  
"Is that a bad thing?"  
  
"A man isn't a man until he's been laid." Vegeta proudly puffed out his chest.  
  
"Laid?"  
  
"Had sex. Fucked a bitch's brain's out. Humped. Broke the bed. Banged. You know."  
  
"Oh. When did you become a man, Vegeta?"  
  
"Huh?..."  
  
_ Flashback:  
  
"Ow, Vegeta!" Bulma yelled. "That's my belly button!"  
  
"I know that!" Vegeta grumbled "Where is that hole?"  
  
"What?!? Vegeta, are you sure your not a virgin? How old are you? 30?"  
  
"Yes! I mean...I'm sure I'm not a virgin!"  
  
"It's okay if you are. You don't have to be ashamed."  
  
"Shutout, I'm busy...there it is!"  
  
End flashback._   
  
"A long time ago, Namek. Now I'm gonna go to sleep. I'm loosing a lot of blood here." Vegeta pointed toward the puddle of blood on the floor from his ankle.  
  
Piccolo turned off the TV and decided to look through the books scattered all over the small living room. One in particular got his attention. "Hmmm...What's this?" He picked up a Kama Sutra book and started looking at the pictures.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Wake up, Humans." A Fartling kicked Gohan in the ribs.  
  
"I don't feel like sparring, Mr. Piccolo." Gohan rolled over. Him and Bulma were still fast asleep.  
  
"I hate Humans."  
  
"Hey Brother, look at that thing."  
  
"Yeah. Cool, a pink thing. What the HFIL is it and what the HFIL is it doing here?"  
  
The Fartling gulped "Remember the legend? Of the destruction of our race?"  
  
"Yeah. Three Humans, two saiyans, the Purple Prince of Saiyans, and his blue mother bring...Killer...who uses a giant pink coushin thingy to destroy our Lord and uses a powerful disk to destroy us all."  
  
"Yeah. Killer...the half human, half Fartling from planet Earth. Our destuctor, protector of the universe."  
  
"Your paranoid, Brother. Killer is just a legend. The Dark Prince died with the rest of Frieza's army on Namek years ago so there is no such thing as the Purple Prince of Saiyans. Our race will always prevail."  
  
"These humans are from Earth. We should take precautions."  
  
"I only see two humans. A kid and a woman. We are still missing one more human, two saiyans, the Purple Prince, and his mother."  
  
"Well, the boy DID blow Putt-Putt to smithereens for no reason at all. He is old enough to be the Dark Prince's offspring. His strength and temper go along with the rumors how strong and evil the Dark Prince was."  
  
"True. But that would make one saiyan and one human. Plus the boy is not purple. No need to worry. Come on, help me drag these humans to Lord Fart. He wants to see them."  
  
"Yeah I guess your right. The legend says that they bring Killer. So where is he? In their pockets?"  
  
The two Fartlings laugh and drag the uncontious Bulma and Gohan to the throne room.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Meanwhile, back on Earth...  
  
"Phew!" Yamcha panted. "I think I finally lost him. Boy, am I good. Escaping that professional hunter." He snickered at his cleverness. "Ugh! What is this shit in my hair?"  
  
The Hunter looked at the messed up pile of leaves, then at recently disturbed communities of flies, then to the ladder that leaned against the tall dumpster. "Damn. This is too easy."  
  
Yamcha was still very proud of himself so he snickered again "That guy will never find me in here."  
  
The Hunter rolled his eyes "I think I'll give you another chance. I'll give you two minutes to hide somewhere else. I was just gonna kill you, but if you don't make it somewhat challenging this time I'll torture you."  
  
Yamcha poked his dog shit covered head out of the dumpster "How did you know I was here?"  
  
"Well, besides following your muddy footprints, it could have been the pile of leaves, trail of leaves, the disturbed flies, the ladder with fresh mud leading into the dumpster, and the echo of someone in the dumpster saying 'he'll never find me in here.' Or it could have been I was only 50 yards in behind you and watched you climb into the dumpster."  
  
"Can't we work out a deal here? I have three dates tonight. Plus, my girlfriend is in outer space with an evil monkey, a big green man with fangs, and some psycho bitch that are all looking for her. I'm really worried about her."  
  
"Sure you are...one minute and 30 seconds remaining."  
  
"Eek!" Yamcha jumped out of the dumpster and started sprinting to the inner city.  
  
The Hunter shook his head at the muddy footprints that Yamcha was leaving behind. "I swear some people need to get shot so they don't reproduce."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Wow. How did I live so long on Earth and not know about any of this?" Piccolo eyed the pictures in the book in awe.  
  
Chi-Chi slowly started opening her eyes. As her eyes gained back her focus she saw that she was finally out of that room and that both of her breasts were fully exposed. "What the fuck?"  
  
Piccolo looked up from his book "Damn, she's awake."  
  
"AUGH!" Chi-Chi covered herself with her torn clothing. "WHAT HAPPENED?!?"  
  
"SHUTTUP!" Vegeta covered his face with a pillow.  
  
"I dug you out of there." Piccolo sat down his book and started looking for more information on sex.  
  
Chi-Chi saw the book he sat down 'Kama Sutra?...' "YOU WERE GOING TO RAPE ME!!!"  
  
"WHAT?!?" Vegeta jumped to his feet forgetting about his severely broken ankle. "AUGH!!!" He fell to the ground in pain.  
  
"Rape?"  
  
"YES! MY CLOTHES WERE TORN, MY BREASTS WERE OUT, AND YOU WERE LOOKING AT THAT KAMA SUTRA BOOK!"  
  
"NAMEK! WHY THE HFIL WOULD YOU WANT TO RAPE HER?!?"  
  
"What is rape?"  
  
Vegeta slapped his forehead while Chi-Chi quickly pulled out her pan. BONG! "DON'T PRETEND THAT YOU DON'T KNOW, GREENY! I SAW YOU LOOKING AT THAT BOOK!"  
  
"Look, Bitch, the Namek really doesn't know what rape is. I'll explain it to him later. What I would like to know is why that book is in there with all of the Brat's studying material. I thought you didn't want him knowing about that stuff...and don't tell me it belongs to that culls Kakarot!"  
  
"Well...uh...THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"  
  
That familiar ring came on again. Vegeta and Piccolo race to the phone and Piccolo got it. "How do you answer it?"  
  
"Give it to me, Namek!" Vegeta laid on the floor in pain.  
  
"Here." Piccolo threw the phone at Vegeta so and he pressed the button and put it up to his ear. Piccolo listened "What do you want?" He asked sounding annoyed.  
  
"Ooh, Yamcha! You sound so bad! Hee Hee. This is Gina. Well, what I called to tell you is that I'm here at the Right-Bye Mall in Falker City and I saw a naughty picture of you posted in the girls bathroom and most of the shops. It's even all over in the parking structure."  
  
"Is it the picture of me wearing a pink tutu?" Vegeta covered the receiver while they snickered.  
  
"Yes! That's the one! Well, I also called to say that it's over between us. The date tonight is off and I never want to see you again. That picture is a turn off. Oh, yes! I think that you should know that size DOES matter, Mr. 2-And-3-Quarters. And your motion of the ocean sunk the boat! I don't want no minute man!" *click*  
  
"AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Piccolo and Vegeta were laughing their asses off.  
  
"Vegeta, did all that mean what I think it meant?"  
  
"Yes, Namek. The Weakling is even less of a man than I originally thought."  
  
"VEGETA! I WANT YOU TO CLEAN UP THAT MESS YOU MADE!" Chi-Chi pointed at the puddle of blood made by his ankle.  
  
"I...do...not...CLEAN!" As Vegeta said the word 'clean,' the vein in his forehead popped out.  
  
"Yes...you...WILL!" As Chi-Chi said the word 'will' she pulled out her lethal pan.  
  
"Cunt! I am not afraid of your cooking material!" Vegeta crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
WHACK! Chi-Chi ruthlessly hit Vegeta's broken ankle with all her might. Piccolo winced at the sight.  
  
"AUUUGH!!!"  
  
"Greeny! Wrap his ankle so he can clean up his little mess!"  
  
Piccolo sat there glaring at Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi glared back.  
  
BONG! "I MEANT NOW!"  
  
Piccolo started tending to Vegeta's ankle while Vegeta tried to keep a straight face.  
  
"Good. I go cook something for us to eat." Chi-Chi cheerfully headed toward the kitchen.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Wake them up!" Lord Fart commanded. "Good job Frank and Beans."  
  
"Lord Fart, my brother Frank wants you to know that the Earthlings have with them a giant pink coushin thingy."  
  
"Ah yes. The pink thing. Don't worry boys, it's just a coincidence."  
  
"Another thing, Lord Fart, the human boy blew Putt-Putt to smithereens. They passed out from the cloud of gas. If they weren't wearing the masks, they would have surely died."  
  
"The boy did this?"  
  
"Yes sir. Right after they were told about creating the special masks."  
  
"Is that so? Oh well, Putt-Putt was a weak low class so no real loss."  
  
The Elderly Fart was in the throne room "A normal human boy couldn't possibly be that strong! He couldn't be full blooded human! Humans are weaklings!"  
  
"Be quiet Old Fart" Lord Fart commanded. "Wake up the Earthlings!"  
  
Old Fart waved an ancient remedy before their noses. Bulma and Gohan instantly woke up.  
  
"Where the HFIL am I?" Bulma looked around the throne room and at the guards.  
  
"Can I blow them up, Bulma?" Gohan asked with pleading puppy dog eyes.  
  
"Ummm...better not Gohan" she remembered how much he enjoyed killing last time.  
  
"Explain, Boy" Lord Fart "how it is you were able to kill an adult Fartling."  
  
"I used a ki ball."  
  
"A single ki blast? How is it possible for such a young human like you to have such strength?"  
  
"He's half Saiyan" Bulma piped up.  
  
The crowd started to talk and get loud. "Silence!" Lord Fart yelled.  
  
"Is it possible that he is the Purple Prince? He doesn't look purple to me." Old Fart turned to Bulma "If this is true, you must be his blue mother, the Queen of Saiyans!"  
  
"What in HFIL are you talking about? I'm not the Queen of Saiyans or this boy's mother!"  
  
"How is it that the boy is half Saiyan? Planet Vegeta was destroyed years ago" Lord Fart was curious.  
  
"My daddy was sent to Earth to destroy the human race. His name is Goku." Gohan was proud.  
  
The crowd started murmuring again, but this time it was louder. "Silence!" Lord Fart asked "Is this the same Goku who beat the Dark Prince and Frieza?"  
  
"Yup! Well, he beat Frieza, but I don't know about the Dark Prince...he beat so many people."  
  
"Well, well, well. This boy's father is the super saiyan that took out our rival's prince and our greatest threat. Let's show them some hospitality!" Lord Fart stood up "Frank and Beans! Take them to the royal visitation rooms! And tell Ms. Briefs about her OTHER project."  
  
"Yes Sir!" Frank and Beans said in unison. "This way, Earthlings."  
  
Bulma and Gohan cautiously followed.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Vegeta was on his hands and knees scrubbing the last of the dried blood off the floor. Piccolo was sitting on the couch staring at Vegeta's cast and listening carefully to his every word "...and that's what rape is, Namek."  
  
"I would never rape any one - especially Chi-Chi."  
  
"Me neither. A real man doesn't need to rape to get some."  
  
"Get some what?"  
  
"Sex, pussy, ass, dick, natural juices, boink, you know."  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
"IS THAT FLOOR CLEANED YET?!?" Chi-Chi yelled stomping out of the kitchen.  
  
Vegeta growled at her so she hit him with her scolding red hot spatula. "AUGH!!! MY SEXY FACE!!!"  
  
Chi-Chi looked down at the clean floor. "Oh...dinner's ready!" She cheerfully went back into the kitchen.  
  
Piccolo watched in horror "I'm actually afraid to go in there to eat."  
  
"That Bitch! My royal face is burnt! I have to get the hot grease off my face NOW!"  
  
"GET IN HERE AND EAT!!!"  
  
Piccolo and Vegeta cautiously went into the kitchen to see their large delicious meal waiting for them. Chi-Chi was humming and folding her napkin in her lap. Slowly, they took their seats.  
  
"Enjoy your meals boys! Dig in! After dinner I'll start cleaning up the mess I made with Gohan's studies. I accidentally let all his things out of the capsules so that's why I was flooded in the rooms by books."  
  
"Leave out some sex and reproduction books for the Namek to look at." Vegeta said in between each bite then he started shoveling food into his mouth.  
  
"Yes. I'd like to look at the pictures and learn about sex."  
  
"Don't you know how to read?" Chi-Chi asked.  
  
"Gohan taught me the ABC's."  
  
"Hahahaha! The Namek can't read! Hahaha- *cough cough*" Vegeta rolled out of his chair onto the floor choking.  
  
"That's horrible! Why didn't you go to school when you were little?"  
  
"Well..." Piccolo started thinking back to his first and last day of school.  
  
_ Flashback:  
  
"Well, Piccolo, this is Kindergarten" explained Mr. Popo.  
  
"I think I should be out training instead of learning. This is a waste of my time" Piccolo pouted.  
  
"Remember, Kami said that if you want to rule the world when your older, you must get a decent education and learn how to read."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Okay. Don't be too evil while I'm gone. I'll be here after school to pick you up. Have fun!" Mr. Popo took off in the direction of Kami's lookout on his magic carpet.  
  
The school bullies watched Mr. Popo leave and ran up to Piccolo. "Hey man! Was that your dad!"  
  
"No. " Piccolo shook his head. "My father was killed right after he threw up my egg."  
  
"Your weird. And ugly" said the kindergarten bully.  
  
"Yeah. Why are you green? And what are those pink spots all over your arms?" asked the other bully.  
  
"Nobody else here had pointy ears" one bully said picking up a stick to poke Piccolo's face and ears.  
  
"STOP THAT!" Piccolo yelled, baring his small fangs.  
  
"Wow. He has fangs, too. I think he's a monster!" a bully said.  
  
"Leave him alone you bully! He's a CUTE monster!" The boys turned to see the prettiest little girl in the whole class - Liccopo. "Here, here's picture of me. You can have it. What's your name?" she asked Piccolo.  
  
He took the picture. "Piccolo" he answered shyly. Piccolo never had this feeling before. He felt his purple blood rush to his head and started blushing.  
  
"Ewww! He's turning purple! I think Piccolo loves Liccopo!" one bully said.  
  
"No I don't!" Piccolo defended.  
  
"Piccolo loves Liccopo! Piccolo loves Liccopo!" all the kids started singing except for Liccopo. She was trying to get them to stop.  
  
One bully reached for his turban "I got his turban!" All the kids gasped when they saw his antennas.  
  
"He's a freak!" a kid yelled right before he ran away screaming for him mama.  
  
"HE'S NOT A FREAK!" Liccopo yelled back.  
  
"FREAK!" a bully yelled. Then all the little kids started chanting "Freak! Freak! Freak ! Freak! Freak!"  
  
"Come on Piccolo, let's go. Don't listen to them." Liccopo took Piccolo's hand and started leading him away from the crowd of kids.  
  
As they were leaving one bully yelled "FREAK!" and started throwing rocks at Piccolo. The other kids started copying him yelling "Freak!" and throwing rocks at him. Then one hit Liccopo so hard that she started crying.  
  
"STOP IT!" Piccolo yelled as he turned around he formed a giant ki ball and fired it at the crowd of kids. The whole school was blown up. "Are you okay, Liccopo?"  
  
Liccopo stared at the crater that was once her school. "What did you do?" she asked in disbelief.  
  
"They hurt you."  
  
"You killed them all! Your a meany!"  
  
"But-"  
  
"Don't talk to me ever again!"  
  
"Okay. I'll go into the woods and live there in isolation since I'm a freak." Piccolo sadly started floating away into the forest with his head down and his antennas hanging limp before his face.  
  
"Wait Piccolo! I'm sorry! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" Liccopo yelled at him. "Come back!"  
  
But Piccolo ignored her. He continued to float sadly into the forest and didn't turn around. He never wanted her to see the tears in his evil eyes.  
  
End Flashback._   
  
"Piccolo?" Chi-Chi asked. "Is that a tear? I never seen your antennas go limp before. You look really sad."  
  
Vegeta was starting to turn blue from choking. He reached over to grab Chi-Chi's leg to get her attention, but she moved her leg so he could see up her skirt. The sight of her untamed bush bulging out the sides of her panties made him choke even more.  
  
"Uh..." Piccolo wiped away his tear and gained his composure. "No. I mean...I lived in the woods most of my life. I never went to school."  
  
Piccolo fired a small ki blast at Vegeta's back as a substitute hymlic maneuver. The whole chicken leg shot out of Vegeta's throat and straight out his mouth and line drived to Chi-Chi's private area.  
  
"AAAHHHHH!!!" Chi-Chi jumped straight up and flipped the table over to see Vegeta already got his breath of air and running to his room with Piccolo. "You can't hide in there forever!"  
  
Piccolo and Vegeta slammed and locked the door. Vegeta was still gasping for air "That was HORRIBLE! Even more worse than when I dropped the soap in the shower with Zarbon and Frieza there!"  
  
"What happened then?" Piccolo just didn't understand.  
  
"None of your business, Namek!"  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Here are the best rooms on the ship, Mrs. Briefs. We will get you anything you need to create the special masks and do anything to make sure the boy is comfortable."  
  
"A mask like that will take months to make" Bulma whined.  
  
"Possibly."  
  
"What is this other project I need to make?"  
  
"Well, our race have been wanting something for a long time - a sex toy."  
  
"WHAT?!?"  
  
"A sex toy. We Fartling are strangely attracted to machinery. When we see a robot or android, we go wild."  
  
"What the fuck is wrong with you guys?"  
  
"Every one in our race is like that."  
  
"Uh! That will take even longer! I refuse to make you guys a fucking sex toy! I have a man to go home to, you know!"  
  
"Not if we destroy Earth for your incompetence."  
  
"Er...FINE! BUT IF YOU HURT EARTH IN ANY WAY, MY BEST FRIEND GOKU AND MY BOYFRIEND WILL KICK YOUR ASSES!"  
  
"Ahahahaha!" Frank and Beans were laughing.  
  
Frank was the first to stop laughing "You can't fool us. Goku is dead. He died when planet Namek blew up. And your weak human boyfriend is no match for us."  
  
"Goku IS still alive! And I wasn't talking about my weak human boyfriend! I was talking about my sexy super saiyan boyfriend!"  
  
"I didn't know Yamcha was a super saiyan" Gohan scratched his head. "I thought Yamcha was weak."  
  
"AHHAHAHAHAHA!" Frank and Beans were rolling on the floor.  
  
"Laugh all you want! My boyfriend and Goku are the two strongest beings is the universe and they'll come save us!"  
  
"But Bulma, I'm stronger than Yamcha. So is Tien, Krillen, Piccolo, Choutzu, Vegeta-"  
  
Frank and Beans stopped laughing "Did you just say - Vegeta? The Dark Prince?"  
  
"Dark Prince? That nickname sure does suit him" Bulma was surprised they knew Vegeta.  
  
"Yup! He's mean though. He wants to kill my daddy and rule the universe" Gohan made a face.  
  
"But, the Dark Prince is dead. He died years ago on Namek" Beans was scared.  
  
"Yeah, well, he WAS dead for about 10 minutes then we accidentally brought him back to life and back to Earth so I invited him to come live with me" Bulma mentioned casually.  
  
"SURE you did. For a second there we almost believed that the Dark Prince was still alive and you are his girlfriend. Haha!" Beans couldn't stop laughing  
  
"He is still alive! He's living with Bulma and training in her inventions to kill my daddy!"  
  
"Uh huh. The Dark Prince is living with her and she's helping him train to kill her best friend. Uh huh, SURE!" Frank rolled his eyes. "Let's get going, brother. Their just messing with us."  
  
"But it's true! Vegeta said that I'm his mate!" Bulma protested.  
  
Frank chuckled. "Your lab and every thing you need is through those doors right there with plenty of assistants. We suggest you get started."  
  
"Can I get something to read? My mom is probably worrying that I'll get behind in my studies" Gohan asked excitedly.  
  
"Uh...are you sure that your part saiyan? Saiyans weren't well known for their studying skills" Frank looked doughtful. "Do you even know how to read?"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Gohan looked really confused. "Yeah, I can read and I'm sure that I'm saiyan. I used to have a tail before it was cut off."  
  
"Nevermind. We'll get you a few books to read." Frank and Beans exited without turning their backs on the weird Earthlings.  
  
They both watched the Fartling back up out of the room, puzzled. Bulma just shrugged and turned to Gohan. "Well, Kid, the sooner I get started, the sooner we can go home. You better study a lot or your mom would kill me."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Vegeta? What's in that capsule?" Piccolo pointed to the capsule on the small desk.  
  
"The Weakling brought in on. It must be his belongings." An evil smile grew on Vegeta's scarred face. "Let's see what's in it."  
  
Then that annoying tune came on again. Vegeta answered it while Piccolo listened "Hello."  
  
"Hi Yammy! This is Maron! I called to remind you of our date tonight. I know you sometimes forget. Silly!" She giggled. "I was wondering if you had talked to Krillen, lately. I haven't seen or heard from him since he caught us in his bed last week. I'm beginning to worry."  
  
"Nope. Haven't seen the Cue Ball. I smelt him last week at the Capsule Corp., but I didn't see him."  
  
"Oh well, if you see him tell him to call me. See you tonight! I won't be wearing any panties! Bye Bye!" *click*  
  
"What a whore!"  
  
"Whore?"  
  
"Fucks everyone, slut, tramp, dirty, diseased, you know."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Come on Namek, lets open the capsule and see what goodies are in there."  
  
Piccolo picked it up and threw it on the floor. As soon as the smoke cleared, six large duffle bags sat on the floor.  
  
Vegeta and Piccolo dug through the bags until Piccolo found a bottle of pills. "Are these what humans call pain killers?"  
  
"Give me some!" Vegeta reached out his hand and Piccolo dumped four pills in his hand. Vegeta popped them in his mouth and they both continued digging through the bags.  
  
"Look, Namek. Porn!" Piccolo just stared at Vegeta. "Porn is a sex movie."  
  
"Oh...what's this?" Piccolo held up a dildo and then plugged his nose. "It smells like ass."  
  
"Don't touch that!" Vegeta slapped the dildo out of Piccolo's hand. "That is a sex toy. You don't know what kind of diseases that thing carries."  
  
Vegeta pulled out rope from his bag and Piccolo pulled out handcuffs and a whip.  
  
"Give those to me, Namek!" Vegeta took them and put them in the drawer next to his bed.  
  
They were digging more and Vegeta found a dirty nurses outfit "Size 6?" He smirked as he pictured Bulma doing his bandages after the G.R. blows up and slid it under his bed for later.  
  
"I didn't know you were a nurse."  
  
"It's not for me, Namek." They started digging again.  
  
"Hey, books. Maybe I can read these after I learn how to read." Piccolo set them aside for later.  
  
"A senzu bean!" Vegeta popped it into his mouth and his face and ankle healed up. Then he kicked off his cast.  
  
"Vegeta, look at these clothes."  
  
"A pure white zoot suit. A real pimp suit. We'll have to stop pretty soon. Maybe you should wear it so you can loose your virginity."  
  
"What is the purpose of this stick with a diamond on it?"  
  
"It's called a cane, Namek."  
  
"Athlete's foot spray? Super Glue?" Vegeta put that aside.  
  
"A movie. Is this more porn?" Piccolo asked.  
  
"Hmmm...it's not labeled. We'll watch it later."  
  
"FOOD!!!" Vegeta stuffed the capsule marked 'food' into his tights. "Uh, Namek? My heart is starting to beat really fast. Are you sure those were pain killers?"  
  
"No."  
  
"WHAT?!?"  
  
"I asked if they were what humans called pain killers and then you demanded for some." Vegeta sat there staring at him. "I can't read. Remember?"  
  
"Give me the bottle."  
  
Piccolo searched for the bottle and gave it to him. Then he went back into the bags.  
  
"VIAGRA!?!"  
  
"What is that?" he asked without looking up from his search.  
  
"NAMEK! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"  
  
Piccolo's eyes popped out of his head "There's a picture of Bulma without any cloths!"  
  
"DON'T LOOK AT THAT!!!"  
  
"But I like the way she looks!"  
  
"GIVE IT TO ME!!!" Vegeta attacked Piccolo and they started fighting over the picture.  
  
They were wrestling for a while then Vegeta felt his member start to rise. He let Piccolo go. Piccolo was staring at the picture.  
  
"Namek...that's my MATE!"  
  
Piccolo slowly looked up at Vegeta. He understood what a mate was. It was like being married. Like Chi-Chi and Goku. "I-I'm sorry, Vegeta." Piccolo dropped the picture and ran out of the room.  
  
Vegeta just got up and locked the door. Then he picked up the picture of Bulma and decided to take a shower.  
  
Piccolo decided to find Chi-Chi and learn how to read.  


* * *

BigNamekianBallz - Poor Piccolo. Come on, was his first day of school traumatizing, or what? Kids can be harsh at that age. Please don't flame me because Piccolo blew up the school. Don't forget he used to be evil.  
What's Vegeta gonna do in the shower? Is the legend of Killer true? I'll give you a hint. The legend of Killer is true! Try to see if you can figure it out. What will happen to Bulma and Gohan? How long will the Viagra last on a saiyan? Will Yamcha be okay? Will he die? What will Chi-Chi teach Piccolo. Does Piccolo still have that picture of Liccopo?   
  



	5. Bonded For ALL Eternity

Big Namekian Ballz ~ Wow, thanks for the reviews, guys. I'm happy to hear that I'm making you all laugh. Don't own Viagra, Victoria Secrets. Now, on with the chapter.  


* * *

  
** Hate Triangle**  
"Bonded For ALL Eternity"  
  
  
  
"...and...then...the...c-cat...in the...ha-hat...lived...happily...ever...after." Piccolo closed the book, smiling proudly to himself.  
  
"Good Piccolo! Your a fast learner!" Chi-Chi was beaming that her pupil could already read, somewhat.  
  
"Yes. Now I'm going to go meditate" he started to get up.  
  
"Wait! I wanna know where you go to meditate! And what Vegeta has been doing in the room the last few hours? I've been hearing banging and stuff!"  
  
Piccolo rolled his eyes and mumbled "...stupid control freak..."  
  
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?!"  
  
"Huh? I said 'probably sleeping'." He quickly recovered.  
  
Chi-Chi's facial expression softened a bit "Oh, well, in that case, I'm gonna go cook dinner." She turned and headed toward the kitchen.  
  
Piccolo fearfully watched her leave the room. 'I'll never get used to her mood swings' then decided to go to his meditation spot.  
  
Chi-Chi went through the cupboards searching for something to eat. "Damn. Mrs. Briefs didn't have time to stock up the kitchen before went took off. I'm gonna kill Yamcha when I get my hands on him." She then looked in the refrigerator and realized that they only had enough food for a few days at the most, considering Vegeta's saiyan appetite. "Hmmm...better tell the assholes we're low on food." Walking out of the kitchen she smirked to herself 'Now I can find out where Piccolo goes to meditate.'  
  
The Control Freak searched through out the ship. She checked the control room, living room, gravity room, her room, the broom closet and the bathroom. As she entered the bathroom she heard water running from the bathtub faucet. She reached behind the shower curtain to turn it off and took a quick glimpse into the bathtub. No one was in there. She shrugged and just figured she could find Piccolo in Vegeta's room.  
  
Piccolo was deep in meditation as he felt Chi-Chi go through out the whole house. Possibly looking for him. Then she entered to room that he was in. She drew closer and he heard his favorite sound cease below him as he hovered above the bathtub, cape blowing in the soft breeze. Maybe if he stayed quiet, The Annoyance would go away.  
  
"YES!!! WOMAN!!!" Vegeta's voice echoed throughout the ship.  
  
"Ugh!" Chi-Chi stomped out and right up to Vegeta's door. "WHAT DO YOU WANT VEGETA!?!"  
  
"...I didn't call...YOU!" his scratchy voice came from the room.  
  
"I'M THE ONLY 'WOMAN' ON THIS SHIP!"  
  
"...go...AWAY!"  
  
"What's the matter, Vegeta, you seem a little pre-occupied." Chi-Chi listened as the room fell in total silence, except for a fast paced squishing-like sound. "OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!!!"  
  
"NO!!!"  
  
"FINE!!!" The banshee woman did a standing jump kick and the door was kicked in. As she stormed in she saw the most horrifying sight she had ever witnessed, besides seeing Master Roshi naked. There was Vegeta on the bed, relieving his sexual tension with his own hand! "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"  
  
Vegeta looked up to see Chi-Chi screaming bloody murder as she watched him relieve his sexual tension with his own hand! "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!" He used his free hand to aim a ki blast at her face. "GET OUT!!!"  
  
Chi-Chi dove down to the floor and in one swift movement she picked up the door, now currently lying on the floor, and used it as a shield. The ki blast burnt a hole in the door. She then took the opportunity to escape. She military rolled out of the room.  
  
"CLOSE THE DOOR!!!" she heard him yell.  
  
She then went back into the room with one hand covering her eyes and the other searching the floor for the damaged door.  
  
"HURRY UP!!!"  
  
She jumped and grabbed the door with both hands, but head down. As soon as she propped the door up against the frame, she felt it was safe to lift her head again. She sighed a sigh of relief and lifted her head, thanking Kami she didn't have to see THAT again. Her gaze fell upon Vegeta's naked form again, glaring back at her through the rather large hole in the door created by his small ki blast.  
  
"AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!" Chi-Chi ran toward the bathroom to barf.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Back on Earth...  
  
Panting, Yamcha made it to the city. "Yes! I made it to Falker city alive! That professional hunter won't shoot me in the streets."  
  
SHOOOM...  
  
As bullet flew right by Yamcha's head and ricoched off the building next to him.  
  
"Eek!" Yamcha started running for his life again. "Atleast I know he won't try to kill me at one of the largest malls in the world, The Right-Bye Mall!"  
  
* * * * *  
  
On the Fartling ship...  
  
Frank and Beans came in carrying a stack of books each and dumped the books onto the floor. "Here you are, Saiyan. Don't over load your puny brain." They snickered.  
  
Gohan's eyes lit up with happiness "Okay, I won't, Mr. Fartlings" while digging into the pile of alien books.  
  
Frank and Beans gave each other a puzzled glance. 'How could this kid be so smart, yet SO dumb?' They once again backpedaled out the room so not to turn their backs on the weird Earthlings.  
  
"Wow Gohan! Look at all those alien books! Your mother would be so proud when you come back home knowing things that no other human would know!" Bulma looked down at the pile of books and then she saw a creature that she had seen on Earth before. "Hey, that alien looks like Frieza." She picked up the book and read the cover "The Horrendous Reign of Frieza Cold."  
  
"Look Bulma! A book about Saiyans! This book is gonna be the first one I read!" Gohan held the book up to Bulma's eye level.  
  
"Gosh. That man looks like Vegeta with red hair" she looked a little closer "and that little boy looks like Vegeta!"  
  
"Wow. I bet it is Vegeta! A universal celebrity lives in your backyard, Bulma!"  
  
Bulma's eyes got big hearts in her eyes. "Wow. And I'm his mate..."  
  
"What did you say, Bulma?"  
  
"Uh...I said...uh...I'd better get to work." Bulma walked up to the double doors in her living room that the Fartlings had casually mentioned was her personal lab. "Ugh. I can't wait to see what a generic lab they built for me." As she opened the doors he eyes grew wide at the beautiful sighting front of her.  
  
Hundreds of Fartlings scurried around the football field sized room wearing white lab coats. She could hear cheering in the background and one Fartling yell "HEY! STOP HUMPING THE MACHINERY!"  
  
A Fartling came up to her and handed her a blue lab coat that matched her odd colored hair. "Pleased to meet you, Ms. Briefs. My name is Stinkbomb. I will be your head personal assistant for the remainder of your stay. Would you like me to show you around your new lab?"  
  
"Uh...yes. I would greatly appreciate that." Bulma slipped on her lab coat and it fit her perfectly. 'Bulma Briefs' was embroidered in black on her coat. Bulma was truly stunned.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Elsewhere on that same damn ship...  
  
"Lord Fart, you cannot continue to ignore the signs. You need to destroy the Earthlings, Planet Earth, and the pink thingy." Old Fart exclaimed.  
  
"Calm yourself, Old Fart. There is no need to get worked up over this. Our advanced race will always prevail."  
  
"But sir, the boy is half saiyan as well as human. He could be the Purple Prince. And the woman...Frank and Beans have informed me that she claims to be the Dark Prince's mate."  
  
"THE BOY IS NOT PURPLE! AND THE DARK PRINCE IS DEAD! THIS IS OBSURED!"  
  
"But the boy is human and saiyan! The human woman is the Blue Queen. That makes one saiyan and two humans, the pink thing, and the Blue Queen of Saiyans."  
  
"Even so, the legend claims two saiyans, three humans, Purple Prince, Blue Queen, the pink thing, AND Killer all come at once. Where is the other saiyan, the other human, the Purple Prince and most of all WHERE IS KILLER?"  
  
"Well, sir, I cannot say where Killer is. The legend says he emerges from smoke. Nor do I know about the other three, but I do have a theory."  
  
"Spill the beans!"  
  
"The other saiyan, human, and Purple Prince...are all the same person."  
  
"WHAT? HAVE YOU GONE SENILE? GUARDS! DISPOSE OF THIS WORTHLESS BAG OF GAS!"  
  
The guards come to take Old Fart to the de-gasing chamber.  
  
"Think about it, Sir!" Old Fart yelled as he was being dragged away to his doom. "IF THE WOMAN IS THE MATE OF THE DARK PRINCE THEN THEIR CHILD WOULD BE SAIYAN AND HUMAN AND A PRINCE!" Old Fart had a tear in his eye knowing that his race won't last that much longer as he was dragged away.  
  
Lord Fart listened, but paid no heed. He did not believe in the silly legend. He didn't believe that Killer would used the pink thing to end his life or that Killer would simply use a disk to destroy his spectacular race. He snorted "Killer is supposed to be half fartling, half human. He wouldn't destroy his own race for anything."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Chi-Chi flushed the toilet. The picture of Vegeta relieving his sexual tension with his hand danced in her head. "Ugh..." She had never experienced her stomach so queasy - except for that one time she saw master Roshi naked. 'Maybe if I took a big shit my stomach would feel better.' She lifted her dress and pulled down her Vicci's. "Ahhh..." She sighed in relief.  
  
Piccolo sniffed the air 'How can a Namek meditate with all that rank stench?' he thought to himself as he feet touched to bottom of the bathtub. "What the fuck is that horrible smell!!!"  
  
Chi-Chi's relaxation came to an abrupt halt as she heard a rough voice say "What the fuck is that horrible smell!!!"  
  
She screamed as the shower curtain was violently shoved aside. "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"  
  
Piccolo took in the sight of her trying unsuccessfully to cover her large, untamed bush (think scary movie before it was chain sawed). "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"  
  
Vegeta heard his unwelcome passengers screaming bloody murder and his fighting instincts kicked in, thinking the ship was under attack by space pirates. At the speed of light, he was at ground zero.  
  
He took in the sight of Chi-Chi on the pot, bush bulging out everywhere. "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"  
  
Chi-Chi looked at the other intruder of her private time doing the necessary and realized he was only sporting a woody. "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"  
  
Piccolo's eyes moved to Vegeta's naked body and his virgin eyes where - yet, again - violated with the horror of seeing his first REAL private areas'. "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"  
  
Vegeta glanced down to where they were looking and realized he wasn't wearing any clothes and that the Viagra hadn't worn off yet. "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"  
  
Vegeta quickly turned to run, but his boner hit the door frame with such force, he fell to the ground in agony. "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"  
  
Piccolo took this opportunity to run out of the bathroom, but on his way out he tripped and kneed Vegeta in nuts. "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"  
  
Chi-Chi got up and slammed the door with all her might.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Back on the Fartling ship:  
  
Bulma came into the living quarters to get her reading glasses to see Gohan with his nose in the Saiyan book. "Hey Kid, find out anything interesting?"  
  
Gohan looked up from the book "Yeah, Bulma! I'm reading about how Saiyans used to bond. NOTHING could break the bond. Not even death! Their two souls are connected for all eternity! Bonded for ALL eternity!"  
  
"Sounds interesting. Very romantic. How do two people bond?"  
  
"Well, one has to bite the other's neck..."  
  
"Hmmm...I better get back to work." Bulma walked off thinking about biting Vegeta's neck...  
  
* * * * *  
  
Piccolo got up and helped up Vegeta, who was crying lightly. The Viagra was starting to wear off thanks to the sight of Chi-Chi's untamed bush.  
  
"Vegeta, what was Chi-Chi doing in there?" Piccolo was curious as to why he had to see her with no pants on. He took off his cape and handed it to Vegeta.  
  
" *sniff* She was taking a shit, Namek! DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THAT TO YOU TO?!?" He wrapped the cape around his naked body. Explaining how sex and reproduction to the clueless namek was fun and interesting, but now he had to explain human excretion?  
  
"What is the purpose of this...'shit'?" Piccolo sat on the couch.  
  
Vegeta sat on the other couch. "Well, Namek, have you ever noticed that we...normal beings not only drink water, but we also need to eat food?"  
  
"Yes, I've realized that." Piccolo rolled his eyes at Vegeta for explaining the information as if he were a clueless child, which he wasn't.  
  
"Well, Namek, we...normal beings would explode if we didn't have any means of excreting the food. So we shit it out."  
  
"What eat it and then shit it out?" This was all to confusing to the water drinking namek.  
  
"Because we need the vitamins and minerals. They make us stronger and live longer."  
  
"But Kami doesn't eat food, he only drinks water. So did my father. They both lived to be over thousands of years old and Kami is still alive. Maybe vitamins and minerals shorten your life span."  
  
"No, Namek! It makes you stronger! That's why I'm stronger than you!" Vegeta was frustrated at having to explain everything to the stupid namek.  
  
"Oh. Then Goku is stronger than you because he eats more food?"  
  
"NO NAMEK! KAKAROT IS NOT STRONGER THAN ME! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND BECAUSE YOU ARE A FREAK!!!"  
  
"Just because I don't eat food like every else does, it doesn't make me a freak!"  
  
"NAMEK'S A FREAK! NAMEK'S A FREAK! NAMEK'S A FREAK!" Vegeta started throwing the couch cushions at Piccolo.  
  
"NO!!!"  
  
Flashback_ to his first day at Kindergarten:_  
  
_ One bully reached for his turban "I got his turban!" All the kids gasped when they saw his antennas.  
  
"He's a freak!" a kid yelled right before he ran away screaming for him mama.  
  
"HE'S NOT A FREAK!" Liccopo yelled back.  
  
"FREAK!" a bully yelled. Then all the little kids started chanting "Freak! Freak! Freak ! Freak! Freak!"  
  
"Come on Piccolo, let's go. Don't listen to them." Liccopo took Piccolo's hand and started leading him away from the crowd of kids.  
  
As they were leaving one bully yelled "FREAK!" and started throwing rocks at Piccolo. The other kids started copying him yelling "Freak!" and throwing rocks at him. Then one hit Liccopo so hard that she started crying._  
_  
End traumatizing flashback._  
  
"NO!!! LICCOPO!!!"  
  
Vegeta stopped chanting and throwing cushions "Huh?" He had never seen the namek snap like that. He had expected the namek to say 'Knock it off, Vegeta' and fire a small ki blast at his chest, but now he looks a little pale.  
  
"DIE!!!" Piccolo dove at Vegeta with murderous eyes.  
  
Vegeta didn't have time to react or counter the violent attack. "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"  
  
Piccolo dug his claws into Vegeta's shoulders and sunk his fangs into Vegeta's neck. "NNNNNNOOOOOooooooo...!!!  
  
"What's going on here!?!" Chi-Chi stood five feet away from them.  
  
The two stopped fighting and looked up at her, not daring to say a word about what happened earlier.  
  
"HE CALLED ME A FREAK!!!"  
  
"HE BIT MY NECK!!!"  
  
"Do you guys have to act like little kids?" Chi-Chi put her hands on her hips and scolded them.  
  
"CUNT!!! DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW SERIOUS THIS IS?!? HE BIT ME!!! THEREFOR, WE ARE NOW BONDED!!!"  
  
"Bonded? You mean like mates?" Piccolo was afraid to ask.  
  
"YES!!! BONDED FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!"  
  
Piccolo fainted. Chi-Chi fell to the ground, laughing hysterically.  


* * *

BNB ~ I bet none of you expected that. Now, tell me, which of the three do you feel sorry most in this chapter? And tell me why.  
** Vegeta ignored [Bulma's]**** yelling and focused on a new smell. The smell of urine. The smell of adult, male, human piss! Yamcha's piss. He looked at Yamcha who pissed his pants as he thought hard at the situation. 'So the Weakling is trying to mark my territory. What a pathetic attempt. His scent marker hasn't even touched the ground...yet. I'll fix that.' Without warning, Vegeta used the ki ball he was holding and burned Yamcha's lower half.** Wanna know what the hell THIS is? Check out my other humorous fic. The B/V fic with the Territorial Saiyan'...**Tresspassing  
**Email me if you wanna be on my chapter alert list! Cuz I know I don't put out as often as I should.   
  



	6. Communication

Big Namekian Ballz ~ Here's the next chapter!  


* * *

  
  
** Hate Triangle  
"Communication"**  
  
  
The three enemies sat in the living room contemplating what to do about the situation. Chi-Chi was trying her hardest not to laugh - this was serious. Vegeta was growling at Piccolo and Piccolo just looked troubled.  
  
"THERE'S NOTHING THAT CAN BE DONE!!! OUR SOULS ARE CONNECTED FOREVER!!!" Vegeta yelled.  
  
Chi-Chi snickered.  
  
Piccolo thought hard 'Hmmm...maybe the dragon will grant a wish that can unbond us.'  
  
"Nothing can break the bond! Not even the dragon!" Vegeta yelled to no one.  
  
Chi-Chi snickered.  
  
'Damn, I don't want a life time mate yet. I just found out about sex. I need to experience.' Piccolo continued his thinking.  
  
"WE ARE BONDED NAMEK!!! YOU CANNOT BE EXPERIENCING ANY SEX UNTIL...EVER!!!"  
  
Piccolo rolled his eyes at Vegeta and thought 'Kami, Vegeta is the last person in the universe I'd ever want to be bonded with. Shit, I'd rather be bonded with Krillen, or that little clown, or Roshi, even that damn annoying pig, EVEN CHI-CHI! Why Kami, WHY?'  
  
"SHUT UP, NAMEK!!! I CAN HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS!!!"  
  
Chi-Chi snickered.  
  
"Whatever, Vegeta."  
  
"Try me. Think of any number."  
  
Piccolo smirked at the challenge. 'Vegeta would surely lose this one. I'll think of a letter to throw him off...L...for Liccopo.'  
  
"Tell me, Namek, who is Liccopo? I don't want you to see her any more. I can't have you cheating on me, can I?"  
  
Piccolo's jaw dropped 'How can he hear my thoughts?'  
  
Chi-Chi snickered.  
  
"Simple Namek, you bit me so now I can hear your thoughts."  
  
'Why can't I hear his thoughts?'  
  
"Because our bond is not yet complete. If I bite you then you would be able to hear my thoughts."  
  
"Then hurry up and bite me! I wanna know your thoughts too!"  
  
Chi-Chi snickered.  
  
"THAT WOULD COMPLETE THE BOND. AND THEN WE'LL BE BONDED FOR ALL ETERNITY!"  
  
"I thought we were already bonded for all eternity?"  
  
"Not completely, Namek. If I don't bite you back, you will suffer bond withdrawal. And the case of bond withdrawal the reject will slowly die. The one bitten will grow extremely weak, but will eventually recover." Vegeta ended with a smirk.  
  
Chi-Chi stopped snickering for once. Piccolo will slowly die. This is serious. And in Chi-Chi's case, seriously funny. "AHAHAHA!" She doubled over in laughter.  
  
The two bickering mates decided to ignore her like they always do.  
  
"I"M GONNA DIE?" Piccolo's perky antenna's slumped a few inches.  
  
"Yes, Namek." Vegeta sighed and put his hand on Piccolo's shoulder in a comforting manner. "I would tell you that it's been nice knowing you, but I only lie in battles."  
  
Piccolo slapped Vegeta's hand off his shoulder. "I don't lie either so I wouldn't tell you that I don't want to die. I'd rather die than be bonded to YOU!"  
  
"TAKE THAT BACK, NAMEK! THERE ISN'T A SOUL IN THE UNIVERSE WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO BE BONDED WITH THE PRINCE OF SAIYAN'S!"  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Both turned to see Chi-Chi getting up off the floor. "I admit this was funny at first, but there are more important issues than Piccolo dying or nobody wanting to be Vegeta's mate!"  
  
"Like what?" Piccolo asked rolling his eyes at her.  
  
"Like FOOD!" Chi-Chi yelled as her hands waved in the air.  
  
Piccolo smirked "I don't need food. Lets just keep going until you both starve to death."  
  
"Don't we have enough?" Vegeta growled ignoring Piccolo.  
  
"No. We took off before Mrs. Briefs could fully stock the kitchen." Chi-Chi confirmed.  
  
"Damn that Weakling! I'll torture him for this..."  
  
All three of the enemies came together to take a moment in cursing Yamcha.  
  
* * * * *  
  
_Back on Earth..._  
  
Yamcha sprinted into Macy's 'That hunter won't think of looking for me in the girls bathroom..' Yamcha snickered to himself as he ducked into the girls bathroom. 'Why are my ears ringing?'  
  
The hunter was walking inside the store "Well, it seems my prey has gotten a little smarter considering he left his muddy shoes outside the store. He couldn't have gone far."  
  
"Eeeeeeek!" All the pretty girls screamed as they ran out of the bathroom.  
  
The hunter slapped his forehead and sighed. "I'm just gonna take a big shit and hope that he will escape and make this somewhat challenging." The hunter went into the men's bathroom.  
  
Marron hummed as she walked through the mall. "Oooh Macy's!" She eyed the store then turned around to all five of her boyfriends behind her, who all where carrying at least five bags of crap that they had bought for her. "Common boys! Whoever makes it there first can buy me the first thing!" All the men started running to the store.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"NO!!! I'm NOT hungry! I'm NEVER hungry!" Piccolo turned his head from the food.  
  
"You WILL eat my cooking!" Chi-Chi was pissed at Piccolo for not touching her food. "This is the last of the food in the whole ship! You have to eat it or you will starve! Don't let it go to waste!"  
  
Vegeta sat at the table watching as he shoved food in his mouth. He gulped it down and smirked "Why not eat it? You eat senzu beans with no problems."  
  
"What if it kills me?"  
  
"WHAT?!? MY FOOD WON'T KILL YOU!!!"  
  
*BONG*  
  
"OW!!!" Piccolo fell to the floor.  
  
"AURGH!!!" Vegeta also fell to the floor holding his head.  
  
Chi-Chi looked at her frying pan. "Hey...must be the bond." A look of evilness washed over her.  
  
Vegeta got up holding his head. "I suggest you do not do that again." He gave her an evil look.  
  
Piccolo started to get up.  
  
"Don't you dare threaten me!"  
  
"I'll do as I wish, Cunt!"  
  
*BONG*  
  
Chi-Chi hit Piccolo hard in the face and both of their noses started bleeding.  
  
"NOW EAT!!!"  
  
Both got up and started eating.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Yes! I did it!" Bulma threw the screw driver over her shoulder in triumph.  
  
"What did you do Bulma?" Gohan looked up from his book.  
  
"With scraps I found in some of my capsules and pieces that I stole from the lab, I created a small communicator!"  
  
"Who are we gonna talk to?"  
  
"Well, I programmed it to communicate with a new ship that me and my father built. I'm guessing that Vegeta is coming to save us in it."  
  
"You really think that Vegeta will try to save us? Remember he tried to kill us both on Namek?"  
  
Bulma's expression immediately dropped. "Yeah. Right. Well he BETTER come save us!" She turned on the machine.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Piccolo stood at the controls. "Okay. I already have this figured out." He pushed a few buttons. "Now we are heading in the direction of this planet." He pointed out he window to an orange planet. "Planet Danger Do Not Come Here.  
  
"Know anything about it, Vegeta?" Chi-Chi just had to pry.  
  
"Yes. That planet once belonged to Frieza. I was the one sent to take it over. They will most likely remember me so we have nothing to worry about."  
  
Chi-Chi gulped. "If they remember you, then won't they attack?"  
  
"No. They fear me." He smirked to himself.  
  
Piccolo grimaced. "It's disgusting how you get off on the fear of others."  
  
"Shuttup, Namek. You don't understand."  
  
"I think he does understand. After all, the Overgrown Slug is also an alien monster that tried to take over the world."  
  
"I didn't try to take over the world, I tried to destroy it. Big difference, Cunt."  
  
"Oh THAT makes it so much better." Piccolo rolled his eyes at him.  
  
*BEEP*  
  
_Incoming message._  
  
All three stopped bickering to watch the screen in curiosity. They were all surprised to see Bulma and Gohan.  
  
"WOMAN!"  
  
"GOHAN!"  
  
"MY BABY!"  
  
They both smiled.  
  
_"Hi Vegeta."  
  
"Mr. Piccolo!"_  
  
Chi-Chi growled.  
  
_"Oh...hi Mom."_  
  
"Do you have anything to study?"  
  
_"Yeah, Mom. I'm reading a book about Saiyans."_  
  
"WHAT? DON'T READ THAT!"  
  
_"It's okay Chi-Chi. It's very informative. He DOES need to know about his race, you know."_  
  
Chi-Chi sighed. "Yeah. I guess your right."  
  
"Enough of this mindless chatter. Were are you?"  
  
_"Well, I'M stuck in a room on a Fartling ship. Where the hell are you?"  
  
_"This piece of shit you built goes too slow."  
  
"_Really? Or maybe you haven't reached me yet because you are going the wrong direction. The Fartlings ruined their planet so they all live on a ship in the opposite direction you are heading. Didn't any of you even think of following the ship on radar?"  
  
_There was a moment of silence, where all three of the passengers started to grow red from embarrassment. Luckily the silence was broken by the naive young boy.  
  
_ "Hey Mr. Vegeta, what's on your neck? Isn't that a bite mark? I didn't know you were bonded."_  
  
_"WHAT!?!"  
_  
Chi- busted up laughing.  
  
"How do you know about bonding, Boy?"  
  
_"I read it in this book! Bonding is the equivalent to marrying. And guess what? There's a picture of you on the cover!"  
  
"Vegeta...explain right NOW!"_  
  
Vegeta pointed to Piccolo. "It's all the Namek's fault! He attacked me and bit me!"  
  
Piccolo growled.  
  
_"So...what you are saying is that Piccolo pinned you down and made you marry him." Bulma raised an eyebrow._  
  
"Yes. ... NO!!!"  
  
Piccolo decided to defend himself. "But, but, HE was throwing pillows at me and calling me names."  
  
Chi-Chi couldn't stop from giggling.  
  
_"SAVE IT!!! BOTH OF YOU!!! I can't believe you two would do this to me! Vegeta, I thought you said I was your mate! And Piccolo, I thought you were my friend!"_  
  
Piccolo raised an antenna. "Where did you get that idea?"  
  
_"Uh...or I thought you were a friend of my best friend...but it doesn't matter! I can't believe you two are gay!"_  
  
The two bonded blached. "WERE NOT GAY!!!" They both said in unison.  
  
"Woman, it was an accident."  
  
_"SURE it was! Just like that time I caught you going through my underwear drawer on accident?"_  
  
Vegeta saw Chi-Chi and Piccolo staring at him out of the corner of his eye. "I thought it was my room!"  
  
_"Save it, Vegeta! I can't believe you! At least Yamcha could find other GIRLS to cheat on me with!"_  
  
"Don't compare me to that Weakling!"  
  
_"Nevermind coming to get me! I can save myself!"  
  
_Last thing they saw was Bulma swinging a large wrench at the screen. The first swing put a crack in her screen and the second made the link go out.  
  
"AURRRGH!!!" Vegeta started pulling on his hair and then punched the communication controls.  
  
Chi-Chi and Piccolo just giggled and pointed at Vegeta.  


* * *

BNB ~ Uh-Oh. Bulma and Vegeta had a big fight. Now will Vegeta still save he or will he hold a grudge against her for calling him gay? Will Piccolo be okay after he food? Next chapter they will land on that planet called Danger Do Not Come Here. Will the natives show them hospitality? Just wait to find out.  



End file.
